How to Get Power of Attorney for an Elderly Parent

Power of attorney (POA) is one of the most important legal documents for families with aging parents. Without it, you may not be able to pay their bills, make medical decisions, or access their accounts—even in an emergency.

This guide walks you through everything you need to know: what POA is, how to get it, and what to do if your parent has dementia or refuses to sign.

What Is Power of Attorney?

Power of attorney is a legal document that gives someone (called an "agent" or "attorney-in-fact") the authority to act on behalf of another person (the "principal"). Your parent is granting you permission to make decisions and take actions for them.

Types of Power of Attorney

1. Financial Power of Attorney

Allows you to handle money matters: paying bills, managing bank accounts, filing taxes, selling property, making investment decisions.

2. Healthcare Power of Attorney (Healthcare Proxy)

Allows you to make medical decisions if your parent can't communicate their wishes. This includes treatment options, surgeries, end-of-life care.

3. Durable vs. Non-Durable

• Durable POA: Remains in effect if your parent becomes incapacitated. This is what you want.
• Non-Durable POA: Ends if your parent becomes incapacitated. Rarely useful for elder care.

4. Springing POA

Only takes effect when a specific event happens (like a doctor declaring your parent incapacitated). Sounds good but can cause delays when you need to act quickly.

Step-by-Step: How to Get POA

1. Have the conversation with your parent
   Explain why POA is important—it's not about taking control, it's about being able to help them if something happens. Many parents are relieved to have this in place.
2. Decide who should be the agent
   Often it's one adult child, but you can name co-agents or successors. Consider: Who lives closest? Who handles finances well? Who can your parent trust?
3. Get the documents prepared
   Options: elder law attorney ($300-$500), online legal service, or state-specific forms. An attorney is best for complex situations or large assets.
4. Your parent signs with witnesses/notary
   Requirements vary by state, but typically need 2 witnesses and/or notarization. Your parent must be mentally competent at signing.
5. Distribute copies to relevant parties
   Banks, doctors' offices, financial institutions. Some may require their own forms—get these done now, not during a crisis.

What If Your Parent Has Dementia?

This is the critical issue: your parent must be mentally competent to sign POA. "Competent" means they understand what they're signing and its implications.

If dementia is early/mild:

They may still be competent to sign. Act quickly. An elder law attorney can assess capacity and document it, which protects against future challenges.

If dementia is moderate/severe:

If your parent truly cannot understand what they're signing, it's too late for POA. Your only option is guardianship/conservatorship—a court process where a judge appoints someone to make decisions. This is expensive ($2,000-$10,000+), time-consuming (months), and something families should avoid if possible.

What If Your Parent Refuses?

Some parents resist POA because they fear losing control or feel it means they're declining. Strategies:

• Reframe it: "This isn't about me controlling you—it's about making sure I can help if you're ever in the hospital."
• Make it mutual: "I'm setting up POA for myself too—we should all have this."
• Start with healthcare: Sometimes parents are more comfortable with medical POA than financial.
• Involve their attorney: If they have a trusted lawyer, that person may be more persuasive.
• Give it time: Plant the seed and come back to it. A health scare often changes minds.

Common POA Mistakes

• Waiting until there's a crisis: Banks and doctors will turn you away without POA.
• Not getting durable POA: Non-durable becomes useless exactly when you need it.
• Not registering with banks: Some banks won't accept POA unless it's on file before you need it.
• Having only one copy: Keep the original safe, but have certified copies for multiple institutions.
• Choosing the wrong agent: Pick for competence and availability, not just birth order.

POA Checklist

• ☐ Have the conversation with your parent about POA
• ☐ Decide who will be agent (and backup agent)
• ☐ Get Durable Financial POA prepared and signed
• ☐ Get Healthcare POA/Healthcare Proxy prepared and signed
• ☐ Make certified copies
• ☐ Register with banks and financial institutions
• ☐ Provide copies to doctors and hospital
• ☐ Store original in a safe, accessible place

Related Resources

• Living Will vs Healthcare Proxy: What You Need
• HIPAA Authorization for Elderly Parents
• Estate Planning Workbook (Complete Document Checklist)