10 Signs Your Elderly Parent Needs Help
Most aging parents won't ask for help—even when they desperately need it. They don't want to be a burden, they fear losing independence, or they genuinely don't realize how much they're struggling.
As their adult child, you're often the first to notice the signs. Here's what to watch for and what to do when you see it.
One of the earliest warning signs. Bathing, grooming, and laundry require physical ability, executive function, and motivation—all of which can decline.
Losing weight without trying is a red flag. It can indicate depression, difficulty cooking, forgetting to eat, trouble swallowing, or underlying medical issues.
Managing finances requires memory, organization, and sometimes just remembering to open the mail. Missed bills can lead to serious consequences.
Not taking medications correctly can be dangerous or even fatal. This is often one of the first cognitive issues to emerge.
A messy or neglected home can indicate physical limitations, depression, or cognitive decline—especially if your parent was previously tidy.
New damage to the vehicle they can't explain is a major warning sign for driving safety. This is a conversation you can't avoid.
Pulling away from friends, church, hobbies, or activities they used to love. This can indicate depression, embarrassment about decline, or physical difficulty getting around.
Unusual irritability, anxiety, suspicion, or depression can indicate cognitive decline, medication issues, or underlying health problems.
Trouble walking, getting up from chairs, or frequent near-falls dramatically increase the risk of a serious fall injury.
Everyone forgets occasionally. But certain patterns suggest something more concerning than normal aging.
When to Act Immediately
Call their doctor or go to the ER if you notice:
- Sudden confusion or personality change (could be UTI, stroke, medication issue)
- Signs of a fall they didn't mention
- Significant unexplained weight loss
- Signs of self-neglect or inability to care for themselves
- Talk of wanting to die or giving things away
What to Do Next
- Document what you're seeing. Write down specific examples with dates. This helps you track changes and is useful for doctor visits.
- Talk to your parent. Lead with concern, not criticism. "I noticed X and I'm worried about you" rather than "You can't do Y anymore."
- Get a medical evaluation. Many issues have treatable causes (UTI, medication side effects, thyroid problems, depression).
- Assess their needs. Our Care Needs Assessment can help you determine what level of support they need.
- Start small. Begin with one area of help—meal delivery, medication management, housekeeping—rather than suggesting major changes.
Remember: Early intervention is always better. The changes you're noticing won't reverse themselves, and waiting until there's a crisis limits your options.
Take the Care Needs Assessment
Answer 12 questions to understand what level of care your parent needs right now.
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First Steps to Supporting Your Parent
- Medical Alert System Peace of mind knowing help is available anytime
- Motion-Sensor Night Lights Simple safety improvement to prevent falls
- Automatic Pill Dispenser Ensures medications are taken correctly
- Bathroom Grab Bars Critical bathroom safety for fall prevention