No one wants to believe their parent could be abused. But elder abuse is more common than most people realize—affecting approximately 1 in 10 older adults. It can happen in nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and in private homes. The abuser is often someone the elder trusts: a family member, caregiver, or facility staff.
The difficult truth: elders often don't report abuse. They may be afraid, ashamed, or unable to communicate what's happening. They may depend on the abuser for care. As a family member, knowing the warning signs can help you protect your parent.
If your parent is in immediate danger, call 911. For non-emergency concerns about elder abuse, contact Adult Protective Services (APS) in your parent's state. You can find the number through the Eldercare Locator: 1-800-677-1116 or eldercare.acl.gov.
Types of Elder Abuse
Physical Abuse
Intentional use of force that results in pain, injury, or impairment.
- Hitting, slapping, pushing, kicking
- Inappropriate use of restraints
- Force-feeding
- Rough handling during care
- Inappropriate use of medications to sedate
Emotional/Psychological Abuse
Causing mental pain, anguish, or distress through words or actions.
- Verbal assaults, threats, intimidation
- Humiliation and ridicule
- Treating them like a child
- Isolating them from family and friends
- Ignoring them, giving silent treatment
- Controlling what they can and cannot do
Financial Abuse
Illegal or improper use of an elder's money, property, or assets.
- Stealing money, checks, or possessions
- Forging signatures
- Coercing changes to will or power of attorney
- Misusing funds meant for care
- Scams targeting elderly
- Charging for services not provided
Neglect
Failure to meet basic needs, either intentionally or through carelessness.
- Not providing adequate food or water
- Failing to maintain hygiene
- Not providing needed medications
- Leaving them in unsafe conditions
- Abandoning them
- Ignoring medical needs
Sexual Abuse
Any sexual contact without consent, including with those who cannot give consent.
- Non-consensual touching
- Sexual assault
- Forced nudity
- Sexual photography
Warning Signs to Watch For
Physical Warning Signs
- Unexplained injuries: Bruises, burns, cuts, broken bones
- Injuries in unusual locations: Inner arms, thighs, back
- Injuries at different healing stages: Suggests repeated harm
- Bruises that form patterns: Belt marks, grip marks on arms
- Hair loss in patches: From pulling
- Signs of restraint: Marks on wrists or ankles
- Untreated medical conditions: Infections, bedsores
- Dehydration or malnutrition: Weight loss, sunken eyes
- Poor hygiene: Dirty clothes, body odor, unchanged diapers
While elderly people do fall, repeated unexplained injuries attributed to falls deserve investigation. Document injuries with photos if possible. Ask to speak with your parent privately. Trust your instincts if something feels wrong.
Emotional/Behavioral Warning Signs
- Withdrawn or depressed: Change from previous personality
- Fearful, especially around certain people: Flinches, avoids eye contact
- Anxious or agitated: Especially when caregiver is present
- Hesitant to speak: Looks to caregiver for answers
- Isolated from family/friends: Caregiver controls access
- Changes in sleep or eating: Insomnia, appetite loss
- Confusion that seems excessive: May be from medication misuse
Financial Warning Signs
- Missing money or valuables: Items disappearing
- Unexplained withdrawals: From bank accounts
- New "friends" with financial interest: Suddenly appearing
- Changes to legal documents: New will, power of attorney changes
- Unpaid bills: Despite having money
- Unusual purchases: Items they wouldn't buy
- Signatures that don't look right: Different from usual
- Caregiver unwilling to account for spending: Defensive about money
Signs of Neglect
- Unsanitary living conditions: Dirty home, bug infestations
- Inadequate heating/cooling: Uncomfortable temperatures
- Lack of food in home: Empty refrigerator
- Untreated bedsores: Pressure ulcers from not being turned
- Poor personal hygiene: Unwashed, wearing dirty clothes
- Medications not taken: Pills not used, refills not obtained
- Medical appointments missed: Without reasonable explanation
- Left alone for long periods: When unable to care for self
Who Abuses Elders?
Understanding who perpetrates abuse can help you know what to watch for:
- Family members: Adult children are the most common abusers (often struggling with substance abuse, mental illness, or financial stress)
- Spouses or partners: Domestic violence that continues or begins in later life
- Paid caregivers: In-home aides, especially those with inadequate background checks
- Facility staff: Nursing home or assisted living employees
- Other residents: In care facilities
- Scammers: Targeting elderly through phone, mail, or internet
Elders at higher risk include: those with dementia or cognitive impairment, those dependent on others for care, socially isolated individuals, those with difficult behaviors, and those with caregivers under high stress or with substance abuse problems.
What to Do If You Suspect Abuse
Talk to Your Parent Privately
- Find a moment alone with them
- Express concern without alarm: "I noticed some bruises. What happened?"
- Listen without interrupting
- Don't force them to answer—they may not be ready
- Reassure them you want to help and keep them safe
- Understand they may deny abuse out of fear or shame
Document What You See
- Take photos of injuries, living conditions
- Write down dates, times, observations
- Keep records of financial irregularities
- Note changes in behavior
- Document who was present when you visited
Report Your Concerns
Adult Protective Services (APS): Every state has an APS agency that investigates abuse. Find your state's number through:
- Eldercare Locator: 1-800-677-1116
- Website: eldercare.acl.gov
Long-Term Care Ombudsman: If abuse is in a nursing home or assisted living:
- Advocates for residents' rights
- Investigates complaints
- Find through Eldercare Locator
Police: For immediate danger or criminal activity
Licensing agencies: For facilities, you can also report to state licensing boards
In most states, you can make an anonymous report to Adult Protective Services. You don't need proof—just reasonable suspicion. APS will investigate. Reporting in good faith protects you from liability.
Protecting Your Parent from Abuse
Stay Involved
- Visit regularly, including at unexpected times
- Vary your visiting schedule
- Call frequently
- Attend care plan meetings at facilities
- Build relationships with staff
- Know who is providing care
Monitor Finances
- Review bank statements regularly
- Set up alerts for large withdrawals
- Consider a credit freeze to prevent new accounts
- Keep track of valuables and possessions
- Limit access to accounts to trusted individuals
Hire Carefully
- Use agencies that conduct background checks
- Verify references
- Consider nanny cams or monitoring (check state laws)
- Drop in unannounced occasionally
- Listen if your parent expresses concerns about a caregiver
Keep Them Connected
- Help them maintain friendships
- Involve them in community activities
- Ensure they have a phone and know how to use it
- Teach them about common scams
- Social isolation increases vulnerability
If you suspect a family member is abusing your parent, the situation is heartbreaking and complicated. Your parent may protect the abuser or fear losing the relationship. APS can help assess the situation. You may need to consider guardianship or relocating your parent. Don't let family dynamics prevent you from protecting your parent.
Self-Neglect: A Different Kind of Concern
Sometimes the "neglect" comes from the elder themselves—refusing care, living in unsafe conditions, or not taking care of basic needs. This is called self-neglect and is the most common report to APS.
Signs of Self-Neglect
- Refusing needed medical care
- Not eating properly despite having food
- Living in squalid conditions
- Hoarding
- Not taking medications
- Refusing help with personal care
What You Can Do
- Determine if it's a capacity issue (can't care for themselves) or choice (won't)
- If capacity is the issue, consider guardianship evaluation
- If it's choice, respect autonomy but continue offering help
- APS can assess and provide resources
Keep Records and Stay Organized
Our Care Coordination Binder helps you document observations, track concerns, and organize information for professionals.
Get the Complete Caregiver Kit- Elder abuse affects 1 in 10 older adults—it's more common than you think
- Types include physical, emotional, financial, neglect, and sexual abuse
- Abusers are often family members or trusted caregivers
- Watch for unexplained injuries, behavioral changes, and financial irregularities
- Trust your instincts—if something feels wrong, investigate
- Report concerns to Adult Protective Services (1-800-677-1116)
- Stay involved, visit often, and keep them connected to reduce risk
- Document everything—photos, dates, observations