What to Do When a Parent Dies: A Practical Guide
You don't have to do everything right now. There's no rush in the first hours. Take time to be with your parent, to feel what you're feeling, to call the people who matter. The paperwork can wait.
Losing a parent is one of life's most profound experiences. In the midst of grief, there are practical matters that need attention. This guide walks you through what needs to happen, and what can wait.
The First Few Hours
There is no rush. You can sit with your parent's body for as long as you need. Here's what actually needs to happen:
- If hospice is involved: Call the hospice number. A nurse will come to pronounce death and help with next steps.
- If death was expected but no hospice: Call their doctor (not 911). The doctor can pronounce death or arrange for someone to do so.
- If death was unexpected: Call 911. Police may need to come, especially for an unattended death.
- Notify immediate family: Call siblings, spouse, close family members.
- Contact funeral home: When you're ready. They will transport the body.
The First 24-48 Hours
- Make arrangements with funeral home
- Notify other family and close friends
- If working, notify employer
- Secure the home if parent lived alone
- Locate will and any pre-planned funeral arrangements
- Care for any pets
The First Week
- Plan and hold memorial/funeral service
- Order death certificates (get 10-15 copies, you'll need them)
- Notify Social Security: 1-800-772-1213
- Notify Medicare (if enrolled)
- Contact life insurance companies
- Notify banks and financial institutions
- Stop any automatic payments that are no longer needed
First 1-2 Months
- File life insurance claims
- Begin probate process if needed (consult estate attorney)
- Notify pension plans and retirement accounts
- Cancel credit cards, subscriptions, memberships
- Transfer utilities or cancel them
- Forward mail or file change of address
- Notify state DMV (cancel driver's license)
- File final tax return (or hire accountant)
Documents You'll Need
Locate These Documents
- Death certificates (order 10-15 certified copies)
- Will and any trusts
- Birth certificate
- Social Security card/number
- Marriage certificate (if applicable)
- Military discharge papers (DD-214)
- Life insurance policies
- Bank and investment account statements
- Property deeds
- Vehicle titles
- Recent tax returns
- Healthcare proxy, POA, advance directives
The equipment that changes the most
Most of what caregiving costs is time. These four are the purchases that reliably buy some of it back, and they are the ones families tell us they wish they had bought sooner.
Drive Medical Hydraulic Patient Lift
A full lift is what makes one person able to manage a transfer alone. It is the single purchase that most often delays a move into residential care.
Check price on Amazon →
EZ-ACCESS Singlefold Wheelchair Ramp, 6 ft
Folds like a suitcase and carries in a car boot, so the same ramp handles the front step at home and the kerb at an appointment.
Check price on Amazon →
Drive Medical Nitro Rollator with Seat
The seat matters more than the wheels. Being able to stop and rest is what decides whether someone still goes out at all.
Check price on Amazon →
Vive Stand Assist Rail for Couch or Chair
Getting out of a low sofa is where most falls at home start. This is the cheapest thing on the list and often the first one needed.
Check price on Amazon →As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases, at no extra cost to you. Researched guidance, not medical advice. Prices change, so check before buying.
Who to Notify
Government Agencies
- Social Security: 1-800-772-1213 (benefits stop; may be owed final payment)
- Medicare: Automatically notified by Social Security
- Medicaid: If enrolled, notify state office
- Veterans Affairs: 1-800-827-1000 (if veteran)
- State DMV: Cancel license to prevent identity theft
- Post Office: Forward or hold mail
Financial Institutions
- Banks and credit unions
- Investment and brokerage accounts
- Retirement accounts (IRA, 401k)
- Life insurance companies
- Pension administrators
- Mortgage company
- Credit card companies
Other
- Employer (if still working) or former employer (pension)
- Health insurance company
- Car and home insurance
- Utility companies
- Phone, internet, cable providers
- Subscriptions and memberships
- Professional associations
- Religious organizations
Funeral Decisions
If your parent didn't pre-plan, you'll need to decide:
- Burial or cremation
- Type of service: Religious, secular, celebration of life
- Location: Funeral home, place of worship, graveside, home
- Casket or urn selection
- Burial plot or cremation disposition
- Obituary
You don't have to buy everything from the funeral home. You can purchase caskets and urns elsewhere. Don't be pressured into spending more than you can afford.
Traditional funeral with burial: $8,000-$15,000. Cremation with service: $4,000-$7,000. Direct cremation (no service): $1,000-$3,000. You have the right to an itemized price list from any funeral home.
Estate and Probate
If your parent had a will:
- The executor named in the will is responsible for managing the estate
- Probate may be required depending on state law and estate size
- An estate attorney can guide you through the process
If there's no will (dying "intestate"):
- State law determines how assets are distributed
- Courts will appoint an administrator
- Process is often more complicated and expensive
Grief and Self-Care
In the midst of all these tasks, don't forget to grieve:
- There's no right way to grieve. Anger, numbness, sadness, relief, all normal.
- Accept help. Let people bring food, run errands, sit with you.
- Don't make big decisions. Wait at least 6-12 months before selling house, moving, etc.
- Consider grief counseling or support groups.
- Be patient with yourself. Grief takes longer than people expect.
What Can Wait
- Sorting belongings: No rush. Take months if needed.
- Selling the house: Wait until you can think clearly.
- Major life decisions: Don't move, remarry, or make big changes in the first year.
- Thank-you notes: People understand they take time.
- Being "over it": There's no timeline for grief.