Downsizing Your Elderly Parents' Home
Your parents are moving—to assisted living, a smaller house, or in with family. The house they've lived in for 40 years is packed with a lifetime of possessions. And somehow, you're in charge of figuring out what to do with all of it.
This is one of the most emotionally and physically exhausting tasks in caregiving. But with the right approach, it doesn't have to break you—or your relationship with your parents.
Why Downsizing Is So Hard
This isn't just about stuff. For your parents, letting go of possessions means:
- Acknowledging they're aging and declining
- Losing their independence and their home
- Letting go of memories attached to objects
- Facing mortality (what happens to my things when I'm gone?)
- Giving up control over their environment
For you, it means dealing with your own grief while managing logistics, family dynamics, and potentially conflict. It's a lot.
If your parents are still healthy, encourage them to start downsizing gradually—before a crisis forces it. Small purges over months or years are far less overwhelming than doing everything in a few weeks.
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Recommended Downsizing Resources
- Get It Together: Organize Your Records Sort and organize important documents
- Portable Document Scanner Digitize photos and papers during sorting
- Memory Photo Album Preserve memories while reducing clutter
- Cross-Cut Paper Shredder Safely dispose of sensitive documents
The Sorting System
Create four categories for every item:
Keep
Goes to new home
Donate
Give away
Sell
Estate sale, online
Trash
Throw away
Add a fifth box for "Undecided" if needed—but set a deadline to make final decisions on those items.
Step-by-Step Approach
1Know the New Space
Before sorting anything, understand exactly how much space your parent will have. Measure rooms. Know what furniture will fit. This gives you a concrete limit to work with.
- Get floor plans of the new space
- Measure key furniture pieces
- Determine what will actually fit
2Start with the Easy Stuff
Don't begin with the sentimental items. Start with:
- Expired food, medications, and toiletries
- Duplicates (how many mixing bowls does anyone need?)
- Broken items that will never be fixed
- Obvious trash
- Items with no sentimental value
3Work Room by Room
Tackling the whole house at once is overwhelming. Pick one room and finish it before moving on. Start with less emotional spaces (garage, basement, guest room) before tackling bedrooms and living areas.
4Involve Your Parent (Appropriately)
If they're able, let them participate—but know their limits:
- Cognitively intact: They should make decisions, with you guiding the process
- Mild dementia: They can weigh in on important items, but don't overwhelm them with too many choices
- Significant dementia: You may need to make most decisions, keeping their stated wishes in mind
5Deal with Family Before Sorting
Before anyone takes anything:
- Have a family meeting about the process
- Discuss how sentimental items will be divided
- Address the china, jewelry, and other "loaded" items upfront
- Consider a fair system (taking turns, drawing lots, etc.)
Watching their possessions go into trash bags is traumatic. Do the actual disposal when your parent isn't present, if possible.
Room-by-Room Tips
Kitchen
- Check expiration dates on everything
- Keep only what they'll actually use in the new space
- Donate duplicates and specialized gadgets
- The new kitchen is probably smaller—be realistic
Bedroom & Closets
- Reduce clothing to what fits and is worn regularly
- Discard stained, torn, or dated items
- Keep favorites that bring comfort
- Check pockets and inside shoes for hidden valuables
Basement/Attic/Garage
- Often contains the most stuff—and the most trash
- Check boxes before assuming they're junk
- Old tools, equipment may have value (or not)
- This is often where you find forgotten valuables
Paper & Documents
- Keep: Legal documents, tax returns (7 years), important records
- Digitize: Photos, meaningful letters
- Shred: Old bills, statements, medical records (after checking for anything needed)
- This takes longer than you think—allow extra time
Sentimental Items
- Photos: Digitize favorites, keep physical albums if space allows
- Artwork: Consider photographing if you can't keep originals
- Heirlooms: Designate who gets what while your parent can participate
- Letters/cards: Save samples, not everything
Getting Rid of Things
Donate
- Goodwill, Salvation Army, Habitat for Humanity ReStore
- Local senior centers, churches, shelters
- Many organizations will pick up for free
- Get donation receipts for tax deductions
Sell
- Estate sale company: They handle everything for 30-40% commission
- Online: Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, eBay for valuable items
- Consignment: For furniture and antiques
- Antique dealers: For potentially valuable items
Junk Removal
- 1-800-GOT-JUNK and similar services will haul everything
- Rent a dumpster for large cleanouts
- Check local rules for electronics and hazardous waste disposal
Dealing with Resistance
When your parent wants to keep everything:
- "I might need it someday": "When did you last use it? If you haven't in 5 years, you probably won't."
- "It was expensive": "The money is already spent. Keeping it won't bring it back."
- "Someone gave it to me": "The person who gave it wanted you to enjoy it—not store it in a box."
- "It's still good": "And someone else can use it who needs it more."
Try offering alternatives:
- Take photos of items before letting go
- Give items to specific people who will use them
- Allow them to keep a few "treasures" even if impractical
- Create a memory book with photos and stories
Hiring Help
Consider professional help if:
- The task is too big for family to handle
- There's family conflict
- You don't live nearby
- Your parent has hoarding tendencies
- There's a tight timeline
Types of help:
- Senior move managers: Specialize in helping seniors downsize and relocate
- Professional organizers: Help sort and organize
- Estate sale companies: Handle selling belongings
- Move-out cleaning services: Deep clean after everything is out
Find senior move managers through the National Association of Senior Move Managers.
Care Coordination Binder
Keep important documents organized—especially helpful during a transition.
Get the Binder